I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
