How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
