i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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