After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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