ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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