It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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