What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
