You just made me feel so damn special
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
