She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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