So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
