So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
There r osticjed everywhere
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
