Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
is wine microwaveable?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
