she was so not down for the gang bang
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
