He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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