I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
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