Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
