those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
