So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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