I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
