I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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