I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
