I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
