I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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