I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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