everyone is single if you try hard enough
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
