fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize