I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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