yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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