my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Boobs are out for the taking
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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