I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
