cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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