for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
