hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
