Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
