DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
