And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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