I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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