so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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