did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
