I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
This house was built for laser tag.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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