The brown eye won't let me do that either.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
