found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
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then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
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I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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