I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
