Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
