i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
