Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
