awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
