so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
