i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she peed on how many people?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
