evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
