The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
