I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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