Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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