Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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