I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Drunk is not a location!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
