I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
