after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
