i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
