I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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