then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
