walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
