So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
