Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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