Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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