it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
