My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
