Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I need water and some morals
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
