i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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