The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
