so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
