Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
