4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
