Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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