So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
