Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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